Monday, July 30, 2012


I'm sorry for the lack of posts this month - we've had fun with visitors in town, the job is keeping me busy and we are enjoying summertime fun as a family...unfortunately, not without a little family drama.

Here is a {rare} very frank and honest post. Fair warning: nothing below is sugar coated by this usually forever-optimist...

I've never been one to declare myself a victim in the rollercoaster divorce of my parents. Some people chalk up their shaky mental state, relationship problems, daddy-issues, etc...due to the unraveling of their parent's marriage. Although my parent's marriage was tumultuous my entire lifetime, I don't think I have pulled the "divorce card" on any challenge I have overcome. I also do not think I have ever felt the pain of my parent's divorce...until yesterday.

I've felt many things over the past decade of the dramatic saga surrounding the ending of my parent's marriage - sadness, disappointment, frustrations beyond imagination...but sheer pain was felt yesterday when one parent emotionally hurt me from 1,000+ miles away.

I think this pain was apparent to me and extra deep because it involved my baby girl. You see, my parent's divorce has been anything but civil and has never quite "ended" due to money owed, unending court papers, a lack or morals and values, and basically two adults who act like teenagers. And now, one of Miss L's grandparent's informed me that they would not be attending her 1st birthday party...nor any birthday party in her lifetime, or graduation, 1st communion...basically, anything except a "wedding." For as long as the opposite grandparent is present, they would not be in attendance. I really cannot imagine this because it is too painful for me. Now, this divorce is affecting the next generation.

Ouch! As soon as I heard this via a phone call yesterday, my heart raced and tears flowed heavily down my cheek. I prayed hard last night, that they would have a change of heart and thoroughly listen to the horrible words coming out of their mouth.

This is the same grandparent that I planned the timing of our party around so that they could attend another special function that same day. But of course their decision was intended to "alleviate stress" on J and I. When in reality, it causes a wealth of stress...and pain.

Well, I am thankful this said grandparent had a change of heart and will be attending the big party after all. Unfortunately, this is only after I mentioned a competitive word, "winning." This phrase was the motivation to prompt a change of heart. Sadly, it didn't derive from the principle of missing their granddaughter's birthday...nope...but seeking an upper hand or a competitive edge. How comforting.

I didn't choose the situation God blessed me with, but I certainly try to make the best of it. Wait for's the optimist line: Although all of her grandparent's are a bit handicapped by life's difficult hand dealt to them, at least she is blessed with my 3 siblings who are wonderful aunties and uncle; plenty of 'great-grandparents' alive and full of love and a fabulous great aunt and uncle that just spent the last 5 days spoiling her as if she was their own grandchild.

Her little {well, BIG} smile erases every tear...


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  2. ::hugs:: I love you.

    You are an amazing Mom, wife, sister, friend, and a very faithful daughter. You're right, L has plenty of family members who will always love her. And I know that you know that all of her grandparents love her, even if they can't always rise above their own problems to show it the way you would like them to.

    You know I'm here if you need me!

  3. It hurts my heart to read this and know that this has interfered with Miss L. How could anyone look at her face and not set aside their own challenges for her?! I am so happy to hear about the change of heart, and I hope that all goes well. Luckily that little gal is not deprived of love, even from her Indy friends! ;) Miss you all...hope the party is as special as she is!