Deep Breaths...

Take deep breaths. That is what I tell myself...as I cry endlessly while watching a video about a "friend-of-a-friend" and young mother battles an aggressive form of cancer and is begging for her life. Ahh. I'm such an emotional basket-case these days.

I gathered with some help of friends, that maybe the past 8-10 weeks haven't been my finest. Feeling scatterbrained, emotional, sad, blue, and just blah. I pushed it off that my work, although a blessing, was keeping me "too" busy...so I tried to dial it back. But, there was still the crying every day feeling. With some suggestive gesturing, I realized that postpartum depression can hit you like a ton of bricks. And maybe for me, it is more like post-weaning depression; as all of those feel-good hormones I experienced while nursing Princess S...came to a screeching halt when I stopped nursing, nearly cold-turkey.

When I say it out loud, it helps. When I acknowledge it and try to smash it before it makes me sad, it helps. I am trying to defeat it with exercise and Vitamin D...along with coffee and wine, some of the most important ingredients to most SAHM's day - or at least us Irish-Catholic-types!

Circling back to the cancer. Cancer just sucks. It makes me sad to think of the intensity of cancer deaths in the area of Michigan, where our roots were planted. It has permanently shaped our family dynamic, perhaps for the worst.

Then, I see an IG pic from a friend in Indy, whom has several in-laws either passed or currently battling cancer. And I know that Indiana has some of the highest cancer rates...a place we previously lived and enjoyed.

Then...I combine this knowledge with the stats about Colorado having some of the best cancer rates in the country. Vitamin D with ample sunshine, an active lifestyle and healthier place to live all contribute to the superior stat. Frequently, I believe God has placed us here with strong purpose and reason. I just question what is more important - being closer {proximity} to family or "feeling" less vulnerable to cancer {not that we should ever let our guard down}. Then, I see the tears of a young mother battling cancer with a plead for support via YouTube...and I feel like I never want to be in her shoes.

Why can't we have our cake and eat it, too?! Or perhaps this is all a moot point, as none of us truly know when our final breaths on this earth will be? And the after life is more desirable, any ways!

Sorry...it's deep...but from the heart.

Polar Opposites

"No two children are the same," proclaimed every seasoned parent as they dished out parenting of 2 {or more} advice when they witnessed my baby bump and a toddler in tow last summer. I hate to say it but...boy, were they right!! 

Miss L is a first-born go-getter, driven to have it her way, Leo that savors the spotlight, and with the flip of a switch can go from super sweet to crazy "threenager" in 4.2 seconds flat! "They" were also right that the 3's are far worse than the "terrible 2s," however, I have heard that 4 is much more manageable. I hope and pray come August that we meet the fun 4-year old in a slightly more mature version of the fun 18-month old I remember from yesteryear! 

Sophia the Second knows the obnoxious, my-way-or-the-highway role in the family has already been secured and she is taking the Libra-route of being chill, go-with-the-flow and just happy as a pig in mud on a hot summer day! I so want to freeze this time with S, as now I know how fleeting it is. 

It's incredible how different these girls are from one another {already}, yet, they share the same genes. Definitely puts some ummph into the nature argument. 

 

Recent visit to MI - riding Gr Grandpa R's pony - "Ginger" 

Recent visit to MI - swinging in the hammock

Quality Family Time

Just a few weeks has passed since we hosted a lil' family reunion of the entire L family. It had been 18-months or so since the last time we were all together...perhaps longer...so it felt great to be reunited. 

 It was a quick Fri night - Mon night trip for everyone and the weather was anything but normal for Colorado {after all...February went from record-breaking high temperatures to the snowiest February on record!}. Not once did they see the crystal-clear blue skies, abundant and brilliant sunshine nor the full Rocky Mtn. range from our neighborhood; however, with this group - it didn't matter that much.

We played Euchre, watched some Red Wings, went bowling, attended mass, drank beer {on the Coor's tour, of course!} and spent a full-day in the mountains on the slopes at Winter Park Resort. It was a bit of a whirlwind, but it was filled with fun, great food and family time!

At the end of the trip, everyone was itching to ski another day and agreed that this should be an annual trip. We look forward to hosting again!

Miss L playing in her Toy Room with Uncle Joel

Princess S with her Aunt M

Games, games and more games! 

Priceless! It certainly is exhausting being the center of attention...

How the Other Half Lives...

I anxiously said a final "see you later" to my colleagues and excitedly pushed open the large, 14' wooden double doors to the outside world. The blue skies, abundant sunshine and warmth of life in Colorado welcomed me. On Friday, I closed a chapter in my book of work {for the near future, that is} and started my new job yesterday as a stay-at-home-mom. It is not without bittersweet feelings.

Rewind to a moment about a month ago, as J is out of town for a work trip, our nanny painfully exclaimed that she couldn't fulfill her end of the contact, as her lifestyle {read: 21 and grocery shopping at Whole Foods} requires her to make more money that we can afford to pay her.

I called and emailed six in-home daycare locations with zero success, which led me to inquire with daycare centers - the only locations with availability just didn't seem affordable. Plus, I hated the idea of baby S in an infant room with a ratio of 1:5. I started to question, "what happens when multiple babies need fed, held, or are just crying?" or doubt my ability to get myself and two little princesses out the door every.single.morning. This was combined with my distaste to pumping at work, missing my girls and feeling like time was just flying by and my decision was pretty easily justified.

So...here we are.

At the very least there will be more time to blog {record memories}, and a rare opportunity to work on "projects" that I have in the pipeline and most importantly, have the unique gift to experience motherhood - full-time. That, I will be forever grateful for and I am confident this is a decision that I won't regret.

Stay tuned...