Monday, December 14, 2015

Deep Breaths...

Take deep breaths. That is what I tell I cry endlessly while watching a video about a "friend-of-a-friend" and young mother battles an aggressive form of cancer and is begging for her life. Ahh. I'm such an emotional basket-case these days.

I gathered with some help of friends, that maybe the past 8-10 weeks haven't been my finest. Feeling scatterbrained, emotional, sad, blue, and just blah. I pushed it off that my work, although a blessing, was keeping me "too" I tried to dial it back. But, there was still the crying every day feeling. With some suggestive gesturing, I realized that postpartum depression can hit you like a ton of bricks. And maybe for me, it is more like post-weaning depression; as all of those feel-good hormones I experienced while nursing Princess S...came to a screeching halt when I stopped nursing, nearly cold-turkey.

When I say it out loud, it helps. When I acknowledge it and try to smash it before it makes me sad, it helps. I am trying to defeat it with exercise and Vitamin D...along with coffee and wine, some of the most important ingredients to most SAHM's day - or at least us Irish-Catholic-types!

Circling back to the cancer. Cancer just sucks. It makes me sad to think of the intensity of cancer deaths in the area of Michigan, where our roots were planted. It has permanently shaped our family dynamic, perhaps for the worst.

Then, I see an IG pic from a friend in Indy, whom has several in-laws either passed or currently battling cancer. And I know that Indiana has some of the highest cancer rates...a place we previously lived and enjoyed.

Then...I combine this knowledge with the stats about Colorado having some of the best cancer rates in the country. Vitamin D with ample sunshine, an active lifestyle and healthier place to live all contribute to the superior stat. Frequently, I believe God has placed us here with strong purpose and reason. I just question what is more important - being closer {proximity} to family or "feeling" less vulnerable to cancer {not that we should ever let our guard down}. Then, I see the tears of a young mother battling cancer with a plead for support via YouTube...and I feel like I never want to be in her shoes.

Why can't we have our cake and eat it, too?! Or perhaps this is all a moot point, as none of us truly know when our final breaths on this earth will be? And the after life is more desirable, any ways!'s deep...but from the heart.